Before I get to some deep, meaningful, insanely profound thoughts on fatherhood that no man has ever had before, you may have noticed I haven’t posted much lately.
Now, on with the show.
My Son in 1.5 Years Old, My Thoughts So Far (As a Work-At-Home Parent)
- I never imagined I would be eating so much bread crust.
- I’m under the impression I am one of the greatest diaper changers of all time. I have only had poop end up in the wrong place twice. That’s 99.9% accuracy. I have long arms, huge hands, and living in a poop-free zone is my top priority.
- I am sorry to everyone who didn’t ask about my son’s height or weight, but I told them anyway.
- The number of people who openly tell me they are excited for my next kid to be awful (because Dylan is happy, eats well, and sleeps amazing) is comically high.
- I get way too excited when my wife has changed the diaper pail, and the new dirty diaper easily slides in.
- I am in the best shape of my life because I abuse the 24-Hour Fitness Kids’ Club. By my calculations, I’m paying $.55 an hour for the service.
- I have had food go from Dylan’s mouth to my mouth, and vice-versa and I have never found this weird or disgusting. It would have repulsed me before he existed.
- If you’re also a parent, and ask, “Do you think this is a phase…?” Please stop. You’re doing it wrong. Everything is a phrase. Everything.
- Dylan mastered picking up his toys about five months ago, now he isn’t in the mood. This was my first realization that we wouldn’t always be evolving.
- Dylan has asked for “more” when I’ve used the Snotsucker to clear out his noise, which is good, because I love doing it.
- When we take a walk with the stroller, it’s 80% for me, 20% for him.
- If you only take care of one child, and don’t have a part-time job, hobby, or side passion, I believe you are partially insane.
- If you don’t have a dog, you need to get one. Mainly for cleaning up the food your child throws/drops/spills, but there are other positives as well.
- There will be times when Dylan loves eating eggs, and also when eggs are the most disgusting food he could ever imagine, and as soon as they hit his mouth his only response is to spit them out. The time between these moments can be less than two minutes.
- My child’s laugh and my child’s cry are my favorite/worst noises. I doubt this will ever change.
- Because the majority of my parenting life is pretty darn good, I know I’m not supposed to talk about it, because it sounds like bragging. So far, I have no clue if I’m honoring that concept, but I am aware of it.
- I worship Dylan more than I could imagine, but I worship my breaks away from him (his naps, sleeping, babysitters, film festivals, etc.) even more.
- I have an amazing wife who is willing/able to be the bread-winner. She is also the hardest working parent I know of, constantly making sure she is involved in Dylan’s life. She’s given him 90% of his baths, and puts him down to bed the vast majority of time.
- Besides my wife, the only one who can compliment my parenting skills and have it matter to me is my son. I will be very lucky if he does this within the next 30 years.